Have we reached the light at the end of the tunnel?
It’s my birthday today. The fifth birthday I’ve had since my husband died. And like all birthdays and holidays since my husband died, it has left me feeling slightly out of sorts. However, it feels different than past birthdays too. It doesn’t feel quite so sad or angry as it has in years past. When…
Burn it All Down
I am possibly a little melancholy today because I signed up for a free trial of Amazon Music Unlimited (that’s an affiliate link, there) and have now listened to the Moana soundtrack three times in the matter of a few hours. I could lie and say I downloaded it for the kids, but in reality,…
The Year of Using it Up
How did 2017 treat you? The year felt so long that I don’t even remember what all happened in the last 12 months. I know we ended on something of a bang, albeit not of the good type. We finished out the year making multiple ER and urgent care visits for multiple family members for…
Reflections on Turning 40: Shaking Off the Dust of the Last Decade
As I write this, I am midway through my final day as a thirty-something. Tomorrow, I turn 40 and part of me wants to complain about getting old. But I attended a funeral this morning for a nine-day old baby, and it strikes me that nothing could be more annoying or obnoxious than complaining about…
The Privilege of Parenting an 18-Year Old
We’ve been a bit off-topic here lately. However, with my daughter’s graduation from high school this spring, my mind has been elsewhere. More specifically, it’s been thinking about how unexpectedly wonderful this time has been. It’s been an opportunity to not only look back at the last 18 years with pride – we did it!…
What I’ve Learned in Four Years as a Widow
Here we are. We come to this place every year. An anniversary. There are plenty of anniversaries to be had – job anniversaries, wedding anniversaries, home-buying anniversaries – but this particular anniversary is a death anniversary. Specifically, it’s my husband’s death anniversary. Which leads to my yearly rumination of exactly how does one celebrate a…
Surround Yourself with Good People (And Where to Find Them)
I had yesterday planned with precision. There would be a Senior Mass and luncheon for my oldest daughter. Muffins with Mom with my youngest son. Then some quick shopping, packing and picking up of kids before I headed across the state to spend the night in Detroit where I needed to collect my Mom at…
AndrewFebruary 6, 2017
I have stumbled upon your site and hope you don’t mind a widower poking around. I lost my beautiful wife this month last year and it’s been just brutal. I have a 16yr old daughter and 18yr old son and blessed in that they are taking it better than I am. Our parish/school community came together when we needed them but that seems like a just a memory now. It’s just so quiet. I have to soon make some financial decisions and trying to research as much as I can.
Maryalene LaPonsieFebruary 6, 2017
You are more than welcome here, and I am so sorry to hear about your wife. Brutal sounds about right to me. 🙁
I’ve had a couple really supportive people who’ve been in it for the long haul, but it does seem like most of the help evaporated by the 6 month mark. I really don’t blame people. They aren’t living with it everyday, and I think they just figure we’ve settled into a new, comfortable routine. Meanwhile, I want to wave and say, Yoo Hoo! I’m still here…all alone….raising the kids all by myself…replaying sad memories in my mind every day. But I don’t think people really get it unless they’ve been there, done that.
I hope this month is as good as it can be given the circumstances and that you are able to find the information you need to make the best decisions.
Gayle CzoschkeJanuary 15, 2021
Thank you for being there. I have already enjoyed what you have to say. I’m Gayle, 35 yrs married, Gabe died a month ago. Painful, when friends and family figure your always strong.
Maryalene LaPonsieJanuary 16, 2021
Oh Gayle, I am so sorry!
Yes, I wanted to scream and pull my hair out every time someone made the “you’re so strong” comment. People mean well, but they really don’t understand.
Keeping you in my thoughts in today.
Lilian WeilandJune 29, 2018
My beautiful husband of 16 years passed away unexpectedly, so it was difficult not being able to say goodbye. It’s been 6 weeks now since his passing and after reading your post about 5 reasons why you still wear your wedding ring, I burst into tears at number 1 and number 5 reason. We have 2 young children (6 and 4) and it was hard to explain daddy being there one minute and gone the next. We visit him at our local cemetery (walking distance) everyday and its what’s helping us through at the moment knowing there is a place we can go to visit him. I don’t know what the future holds, but I’m confident it will be a future lived to the fullest. This is how I want to honour my husband, by finding happiness and living our lives how he would’ve wanted us to.
God bless you and your family,
Maryalene LaPonsieJune 29, 2018
I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine not having a chance to say good-bye.
Kids are resilient, and how lovely that you are so close to the cemetery that you can take them to visit every day. One of my biggest concerns has always been that we’ll move forward and leave my husband behind. However, at 5 years out, we all still talk about Dad all the time (even the baby who doesn’t remember him). It’s been a tough road, but I like to think my husband is smiling down at what we’ve become. You’ll find your way too, I’m sure.
Sending my prayers and love,