Let’s All Be Grateful Today

As I write this, I’m sitting on an uncomfortable bench in a rather dingy reception area for an auto shop. I’m the only one here, the TV is droning on and I’m debating whether I could stand up and turn it off. I would rather be almost anywhere other than here.

My mom is visiting her sister and the kids are all in school so today should be my rare day at home, totally alone. Yet, here I am. The brakes started grinding this morning and with a busy weekend schedule bearing down on us, they need to be repaired sooner rather than later. So there goes my much-anticipated quiet time at home.

On top of that, my tooth is aching, and the dentist can’t see me until Monday. Two sons have birthdays coming up in the next two weeks, and I haven’t even begun to think about presents. Beyond that, another child is struggling in school, and I am – as so often seems to be the case – at a loss about what to do.

This is dangerous territory for me. This is when I am apt to start feeling sorry for myself. To start feeling as though all the cards are stacked against me. And what starts as a minor pity party can quickly turn into major despair.

It’s odd because when my husband was alive, I never really fell into this trap. When we ran into difficulties, it was never too horribly hard for me to find the silver lining. I embraced the Pollyanna world view. However, just as Pollyanna turned a bit sour after falling out of the tree, I have felt the same since Tom died.

Rather than let today spiral into a weekend of unhappiness, I’m trying something different – trying to get back in touch with my inner Pollyanna. To that end, here are three things I’m reminded to be grateful for today.

I’m grateful for modern medicine.

No, modern medicine couldn’t save my husband’s life, but it certainly extended it. Without modern medicine, our youngest daughter simply wouldn’t exist since Tom would have been dead long before she was conceived. And once modern medicine proved it couldn’t cure his cancer, it did provide a vast number of options to control pain and let him leave this world as comfortably as possible.

More immediate to my current situation, I am grateful that when my tooth flared with pain yesterday, there was a bottle of pills in the cupboard to relive it. And I am grateful knowing that on Monday, a dentist will be able to look into mouth and tell me exactly how we can get rid of the pain for good.

I think back to the people who lived centuries ago and how they didn’t have the options or knowledge we do today. What would that be like? To be in pain and have no idea what’s causing it or how to fix it? I am grateful for all the researchers and health care professionals who have worked so hard to make sure we don’t have to live like that today.

I am grateful for modern technology.

It goes without saying that I’m grateful for my friends. They have been my lifeline these past few years. But I’m also grateful for the modern technology that lets me connect with them.

Social media and Facebook get a bad rap in my mind. Sure, they have replaced face-to-face interactions in some cases, but when you are at home alone, you come to appreciate the opportunity to reach out to others at any time of the day. When I was feeling a little lost about what to do with my van this morning (how urgent are grinding brakes, after all?), my Facebook friends responded and emailed within minutes. When you spend a lot of your time feeling alone in the world, knowing people are available and interested in helping is huge.

And then, rather than wasting a few hours twiddling my thumbs as my van is repaired, modern technology allowed me to bring my laptop so I could get my work done. Thanks to my cell phone, I didn’t have to reschedule my work calls this afternoon. I simply have to step outside and can do them right here.

I am grateful for Social Security and government programs.

Now, I realize the government is far from perfect, and I know people have vastly different opinions on what types of services the government should provide. However, I am extremely grateful for programs such as Social Security and other safety nets.

I am grateful that when my husband got sick, Social Security disability was an option. I am grateful that now that he is gone, our kids can collect off his benefits. I am grateful that when I get older, I too will be able to receive money from his record of hard work. Yes, I know my husband paid for those benefits, but it would be easy for the government to say someone’s benefits die with them. I am grateful our system is set up another way.

While I am not grateful the government took it upon themselves to decide my daughter should be on Medicaid, I am grateful the program exists. I hope to always be able to pay my own way, but it is reassuring that government programs – as imperfect as they might be – exist to catch us in case the bottom should ever fall out, financially speaking.

Life isn’t perfect. Being a widow seems to have made everything harder. But I hope that reminding myself to count my blessings will drive away the clouds and let the sun shine a little brighter.

What are you grateful for today?

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